Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
