i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
