Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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