I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
