My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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