He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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