I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i believe in u and ur pee
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
