Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just puked most of my soul out..
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