i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize