party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
