Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Pooping to opera.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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