Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
