That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
