I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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