he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
