i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize