Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
