I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize