don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize