mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
