I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
