well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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