I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
