it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
