I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
