I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
