The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
