Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
