$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
