Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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