Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
