Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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