Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
