i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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