Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
