If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
