we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Girls should come with a carfax report
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
