when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
