my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
