from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
