I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
