Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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