Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i need some magic done to my vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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