finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
