During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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