the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
