i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
