I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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