i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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