dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
