Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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