I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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