Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
