Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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