I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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