Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I FOUND THE LEGS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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