so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
