Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
