I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
