I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize