the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
