I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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