Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
