we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
