i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
