he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
