return my video game
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
