there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
