I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
