There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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