i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
