Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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