I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
