I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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